Beta by Wilder Jasinda

Author:Wilder, Jasinda [Wilder, Jasinda]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Contemporary, Fiction, Romance, Suspense, Adult, New Adult
ISBN: 1941098177
Publisher: Jasinda Wilder
Published: 2014-10-21T07:00:00+00:00

12

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VALENTINE

The war within me was a furious onslaught of need versus fear versus memory versus nightmare. She stood naked in front of me, tanned taut skin, lush curves, long blonde hair sleep- and wind-mussed, eyes reddened and wet with tears. She was trying to hide her emotions from me, trying to be strong for me, but I could read her like a book. She couldn’t hide from me, and I hated that she felt like she had to. She needed me. She wanted me. What had happened between us on the boat… had fucked her up, no matter what she said. But she was soldiering on. Forgiving me. But yet…she doubted. I felt it. I saw it in her.

It hadn’t been right. She’d done it for me; she’d given herself to me because she’d seen my need. But that hadn’t been me. Hadn’t been us. It was something I couldn’t wrap my brain around, something I couldn’t adequately define or explain to myself.

And now here she was, naked and willing. Telling me she loved me. Begging me to touch her. To love her. And Jesus, I wanted to. Needed to. I needed her. I had to remind both of us of who I was. I had to know Gina hadn’t somehow stripped me of my capacity for love and gentility and passion; just as importantly, I had to know she hadn’t robbed me of my strength or my masculinity.

But I felt fear. Deeply rooted, powerful, gripping, paralyzing.

Fear isn’t manly. When I ran from Gina and her father, I had some money and my name. I never used a fake name. Never pretended to be anyone other than myself. Yet when I ran from the Karahalios clan, I was running not just from the specter of death, from what Vitaly wanted me to do, from what Gina wanted me to do, but from my own lack of control with Gina. I’d acquiesced to her in so many ways. I’d given in again and again. I’d done things, let her do things I hadn’t wanted to. All because I had been afraid. More than I’d ever reveal to Kyrie, or even admit to myself. I had buried all that as deep as it would go once I was free of Gina, and I’d left it there, buried and denied, for almost a decade. And now it was all coming up. Coming back. Scenes from the past flashing before my eyes.

I was paralyzed.

Not just by what Gina had done to me while I was cuffed to that bed. I could get over that. I’d resisted her. She hadn’t broken me. I held on, held out.

No, the real nightmares came from the memory of nights in years past, nights I’d spent wondering what Gina would make me do next. I’d been just a kid. Not a virgin when we met, not by any means. Not innocent, but in no way prepared for the madness and insatiable cruelty of a woman like Gina. I’d been afraid of her.

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